Let not the title of this write-up deceive you. I have not found a woman with whom I will sign that kind of contract. Did I look for it in the first instance?
I’m referring to my love for Nigeria. It’s a love till quench one.
Nigeria is the only country that can take all my nonsense. Starting from taxation, if I like I may not pay my taxes in Nigeria. If the tax collectors are after me, it’s easy to use the tribalism lie to dissuade them.
If I refuse to obey traffic rules, I will find officers who will understand my plight. Of course, that’s after they must have been settled.
Nigeria is a country where I am bound to make my millions in church. I’m going to pray until even God gets tired. He will then enrich me so that I will stop disturbing him with my incessant prayers.
I have set up enough machinery to detect government money anywhere. It’s all in a bid to whistle blow. I’ll get my cut and then I will paint the town red.
By the way, Nigeria is a place where we keep government money in places other than banks. Farms, airports, residential buildings, etc because we have an enigma for banks.
Nigeria is blessed to have many scandals. Scandals break out weekly. What can draw me away and miss unfolding scandals?
If I’m raving mad in Nigeria, there are so many ways to punch my frustrations away. The first is the Gas Station where I know I will find other mad people with whom I will slug it out.
Nigeria is a country where almost nothing works. But it is making our countrymen to be even more ingenious.
For instance, we have, oju ti NEPA, a rather strange implement that is devised to supply light with batteries. Another, of course, is the phone charging centres that now dot our public space. This involves getting a tiny generator and working adaptors on a table. Then, work has started.
So, what do other nations have? I would rather stay in my Nigeria.
I beg I love my country, I no go lie!
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