I got a call from someone about two days ago.
The person is no other than Mr Lagbaja the Great.
After the initial greetings, I thought he would flaunt his political party’s “winning” of the disputed Presidential election in Nigeria. But he never mentioned that. He was so magnanimous in victory.
The nice thing about this is that since he’d not heard from me for quite a while, he decided to reach out to me. It’s a matter of if the mountain won’t come to Mohammed!
I even thought he would say I should be expecting my Id el Mallud gifts through the post.
Then we started gisting about this and that.
But, the painful thing he said was to invite me back home to Nigeria.
Painful?
Of course!
First, will I be safe from giving egunje at the airport?
That is even a small matter compared to some other dangers inherent in returning to Nigeria.
For instance, will I be safe from being kidnapped? The kidnappers may beat me black and blue once they hear I’m from a white man’s country. They will be expecting their share of the dollars they worked for.
By the way, that doesn’t mean the person won’t be killed.
How can I survive in Nigeria, where a person is expected to provide all the necessities for himself?
I had a head injury while in Nigeria. It left me with a lifelong ailment. But if managed well, like it’s being managed here – for free – I wouldn’t have any problem.
In Nigeria, I did pay money to the doctors before they could give me prescriptions. Here, I collect the drugs even when the ones in my possession will still last me for a couple of weeks.
How can I live a dignified life in Nigeria?
Here, seniors are respected and given preference.
I should add that it was a surprise when I first got a tax refund. But I’m used to it now. A refund could run into thousands of dollars.
But In Nigeria, so mi lan gbo nile oba, a kii gbo gbe ru mi. Who hears of a refund?
I wouldn’t be helpful to Nigeria because I’m too old for that. So, thank you, Lagbaja. Maybe when I’m 100 years old, I will consider your request.
For now, I’ll remain here savouring farm fresh food and vegetables!
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